A dialogue tag is a phrase such as “she said” or “declared the anthropomorphic potato with great enthusiasm” — basically, saying who said what and how it was said. And if you write fiction, you have probably written a conversation and discovered a long stream of “so-and-so said,” “someone else said,” “yet another person said.” Or left out dialogue tags and realized your readers don’t know who’s talking. Here are my tips on how to write and incorporate natural-sounding, informative, and interesting dialogue tags. (But don’t worry, usually instinct is enough. This is only in case you’re stuck.)
You may have heard the rule “never use said and asked,” and you may also have heard the rule “always use said and asked.” The argument for the former is that said and asked are dull and unspecific and may cause you to use (horror of horrors) an adverb*; the argument for the latter is that said and asked convey meaning without drawing attention to themselves, and all others distract from the dialogue itself. I think there is a happy medium here. When you have nothing more specific to convey (and don’t need to divert an endless stream of saids), I suggest using said, because there is no point in adding a distraction. However, there are times when this is not so: If the speaker legitimately squeaks something, use squeaked. Saying “in a squeaky fashion” is wordy and dulls the meaning of squeak. (But try not to replace your stream of said, said, said with a stream of squeaked, bellowed, mewled — personally, if this happens in the extreme, I start laughing no matter what was said.) As with many things, there is a balance. As an example:
“I am superior to everyone and everything and am the most important entity that ever existed,” Cockerell declared.
“You’re mean,” Evie said.
“My mommy’s way better than you,” Eden added.
Also, I recommend avoiding words such as questioned and inquired, since they are more distracting than asked but do not convey any more meaning. Added is a similar case, but is not as distracting, so I would use it less sparingly than questioned and inquired.
The thing is, even if you are satisfied with your verb choice,a bunch of sentences ending the same way except for the verb can still sound choppy. There are a few ways to combat this. The easiest is to vary placement: If you can move a dialogue tag to the middle of the dialogue, that breaks up the repetition delightfully.
“I am superior to everyone and everything,” Cockerell declared, “and am the most important entity that ever existed.”
“You’re mean,” Evie said.
Eden nodded and added, “My mommy’s way better than you.”
Side note: Placing something at the end of a paragraph gives it more emphasis, so if you want the end of the line of dialogue to stand out, put the dialogue tag first. (Notice how “ever existed” has more weight in the second example than the first.)
You can also move the dialogue tag to the beginning, but I find that the phrase “He said, (quotation)” at the beginning of a paragraph a bit odd. However, if you add something before it, this also works: “After a moment, he said, (quotation).” This sounds more natural.
This brings us to adverbs and clauses. While said plus an adverb is not always better than a more specific verb, sometimes adverbs are valuable and add variation to dialogue tags. Although when the adverb is describing an emotion, an action may be better (if you want to show and not tell): You can replace “said nervously” with “said, fidgeting.” But “agreed hesitantly” probably works better than “agreed with a timid expression, seeming unsure,” which doesn’t tell the reader anything extra.
“I am superior to everyone and everything,” Cockerell declared, spreading his wings superciliously, “and am the most important entity that ever existed.”
“You’re mean,” Evie said.
Eden nodded and added, “My mommy’s way better than you.”
Even so, it can get annoying to try to keep finding ways to incorporate dialogue tags into a conversation, so one thing you can do is leave off the “so-and-so said” altogether and just describe the action. (If it names the speaker and is in the same paragraph, it’s equally clear.)
“I am superior to everyone and everything,” Cockerell declared, spreading his wings superciliously, “and am the most important entity that ever existed.”
“You’re mean,” Evie said.
Eden nodded. “My mommy’s way better than you.”
Finally, there are times when you can drop the dialogue tag entirely. If it’s a two-person conversation, for example, it’s clear from the paragraph breaks who is speaking. Try not to do this for too long, though, or the reader can still get lost. Also, if there are more than two speakers but it’s unmistakable who’s speaking, you don’t need the dialogue tag then either.
“Airin, you just might be my new top henchman,” Cockerell said.
“You can’t just fire me,” Conscience objected, distressed. “I’m your brother!”
“Why, yes I can, Conscience. You’re fired.”
“COCKERELL, YOU ARE THE MEANEST PERSON I HAVE EVER MET IN MY LIFE!!!”
“My mommy is definitely better.”
Now that I said all that, ignore this while you’re writing. You can’t possibly be thinking of this every moment while you’re writing, or it would take forever. But if you’re editing and find long lists of said, said, saids, here are some things to do about it, in case you’re ever stuck.
* “They [some writers] think -ly words are unnecessary and slow your writing down. I suffer from no such scruples and cheerfully — no, happily; no, joyfully; no, exuberantly! — exult in using adverbs excessively.”
— Pseudonymous Bosch, Write This Book
** These lines are from scene 6 of Time Laser.